I've heard that the average friendship lasts about 7 years, and I never thought this to be true until recently. Going to college really put things in perspective for me and showed me that no matter how hard you try to hold onto something, you can still drift away from it. Does it suck? Yes. Very much so. Can you stop it from happening? Maybe for a little while, but it's inevitable. You might never lose the complete connection, but it can certainly dull down due to changes in your life.
For instance, this year I have gained a boyfriend. He is my world and I enjoy spending about 95% of my time with him because he makes me a better person. He is in fact my best friend, and not just because we're dating, he's been my best friend for at least 8 years of my life. Until 6 months ago we decided we'd be better off together because we realized we loved each other more then we ever thought we did. Anyways as you can see this friendship is an exception to the rule. If you've ever seen "He's Just Not That Into You", you know all about the rule and the exception. Well, this exception has taken up a lot of my time. Do I regret it? No. Not in the least bit. Do I enjoy my new found love? Yes. Do I miss the things I used to do with my spare time? More then I thought I would.
One of these things is hanging out with my best friend. He happens to be a guy, and we used to do everything together. From just going to do errands, to spending ridiculous nights in the woods on adventures I'll never forget. These things have passed me by a lot quicker then I thought they would, and I believe it all started when I went to St. Thomas. That whole summer we never saw eachother, one reason being I was in St. Thomas, the other being because this is when I started with my new boyfriend. It was my fault that we've drifted. It was hard to make time. And now he's going to college and making new friends and I miss him more then I can imagine. I still call him when I'm upset and have no one to turn to because he knows me very well and has always been there for me, but it's just not the same, and I miss it.
Next comes my best friend from freshmen year of high school. We met through volleyball and all through high school were inseparable. We did everything together, and whenever I wanted to do something she was the first one I'd look to. Now, that's been replaced by my boyfriend. Freshmen year of college her and I were still always doing things together. We had the same friends and at times it could get strenuous because we didn't have anything of our own. This year though, it's a little different. I never thought that having a boyfriend could change so much, but it has. Now she hangs out with our friends from last year and continues to get closer to them and drifting from me. I spend my time in another building with my boyfriend and miss out on a lot of things. I feel left out and distant. Is this my fault? Most likely. I won't deny it, I know I have my choice in where I'm want to be and I can't stop her from being her own person. But these day I'm jealous. Other people are spending more time with my best friend. She's making new ones and I feel as though she's leaving me behind. Our pictures on facebook used to be almost identical and now mine contain images of me and my boyfriend and hers contain pictures of various people, different girls, all whose she's gotten very close to. It hurts, more then I can imagine. And I don't know what to do about it.
They say the average friendship lasts about 7 years, my friendship with her has been just about that long. Does that mean it's going to end and I'll no longer have the best friend I've always turned to?
Friendships don't just end. They simmer down, they fade away, or the keep truckin' along. It all depends on you to keep trying. As we grow up, we face so many different challenges that effect who we become in the long run. Best friends face most of these together - it's a kind of support system; when the going gets tough, you've got each other. However, there comes a time in most peoples' lives where they decide to venture down their next path alone or with someone new. Once we make this decision, it doesn't make our original friendships die, it just makes us a bit different, and analogically speaking - distant.
ReplyDeleteWhen we start to expierence different things from our friends, we become slightly different people. We can remain friends though, it just takes a little bit more work to find common ground between the two of you. When you find yourself back in their company, you need to be cautious not to spend your whole time talking about the paths you've traveled alone or with new people. Stick to common ground. But don't reminisce too much - there is a limit. You need to briefly discuss the things you've experienced on your own path, briefly discuss their experiences, and then quickly begin to create your own together - again.
Friendships only die if you let them. Although, you may not have complete control, as it does require the cooperation of your friend to hold up their part of the bargain. But with a little bit of effort you can keep them going - but NOT the same as they were. As each day goes on NOTHING can ever be the same as it was yesterday. No matter what we do, even if it's locking yourself at home alone, we are effected by the choices of each day and that alone will prevent us from ever being who we were ten seconds before. We are forever changing, growing and learning. We cannot live in the past, unless you refuse to follow the laws of nature and not change, or grow or learn. But that is far from worth it.
Effort and dedication is what it takes. Work hard, without working too hard. If you truly want that friend to remain in your life, you need to put in the dedication. Manage your time better. Organize "Girl's Night" again - stick to it! Find ways to bring your new life and your old life together with forcing it upong anyone.
Don't go trying to jump on someone elses' path. They are doing their own thing - don't try joining their party life or their new friendships. Be patient. If you're meant to meet the travelers on their path, you will. Otherwise, only be concerned with the path you two share.
Patience, effort, dedication, loyalty, and trust. Gotta' have 'em. Don't have 'em? Get practicin'!
Hope this helped poopiedoop.
"Find ways to bring your new life and your old life together WITHOUT forcing it upong anyone." *** correction!
ReplyDelete